:: With Sang Eon ::

수라바야에 온지도 한 달이 지났는데, 근처 인근 선배 단원들에게 연락 한번 안하고 잘 살았던.. ㅎ
수라바야에 누가 왔다는 소린 들었는데, 소식도 연락도 없어서 정과장님에게 사람 보냈는지 다시 확인했다는..

22살의 젊은 청년.
한 달이 지난 지금, 얼마 전 집을 구하고 생활이 안정되어 간다는 소리에 감사.

이 친구도 협력이라,,
내가 처음 왔던 때가 생각나서. ㅜㅜ
집도 없이 보낸 15일의 호텔 생활.. ㅋ 아직도 기억이..;

잘지내보자!

자신을 사랑하지 못하면,
그 누구도 사랑할 수 없다.

인도네시아에서 받은 선물이 있다면,,
한국에서는 볼 수 없는, 즐길 수 없는 ‘바다’를 보고 싶을 만큼 봤다는 것이다.
세상에 다른 여러 좋은 바다와 해변가가 많겠지만,
인도네시아도 어디에 뒤지지 않으리라 생각된다.

바다에 대한 막연한 두려움이 강했는데,
접하고 나니 그렇게 두렵지만도 않은 것이 바다였다.

역시 두려움은 막연한 것에서 부터 오는가보다.
부딪혀 보면 그렇게 두렵지 않을 일들도 멀리서 생각만 할때면 그렇게 두려운 법인가보다.

부딪혀야지.
그럼 깨닫겠지. 역시 그렇게 어려운게 아니였다고..

사실 그곳엔 죽음의 의식이 있는 곳이고,,
전통 의식과 기독교 문화가 뒤섞인 독특함을 지닌 곳인데,,
어찌 그곳에서 받은 느낌은

여행자를 위한 행위만 남아 있다는 생각..
아쉬움이 묻어 난다..
정말 그들의 숭고한 정신과 깊이를 맛볼 수 있었다면 얼마나 좋았을까..

	제사 의식을 위해 잡았던 물소의 뿔들 제사 의식을 위해 잡았던 물소의 뿔들
	죽은 자의 형상을 한 인형 그리고 그들의 시대를 걸친 가족 죽은 자의 형상을 한 인형 그리고 그들의 시대를 걸친 가족

아름다운 해변,,
자유로운 영혼들.. ^^
함께함의 즐거움

	가장 명이 다운 모습? ^^ 가장 명이 다운 모습? ^^
	눈 빛이 살아 있어! ^^ 눈 빛이 살아 있어! ^^
	잘 나왔다. ^^ 잘 나왔다. ^^
	Bira 해변가에서 탈춤을 선보이는 현일 Bira 해변가에서 탈춤을 선보이는 현일
	분위기 있게.. 푸른 바다와 코이카에서 준 옷이 어울리는 듯. ㅋ 분위기 있게.. 푸른 바다와 코이카에서 준 옷이 어울리는 듯. ㅋ

10명이 함께 시작한 여행..
정말 이렇게 많은 사람이 함께 한다는게 그리 쉬운 일이 아닌데,, 어찌어찌 함께 했다.
서로가 서로를 잘 배려해서,, 무사히 여행을 마치고 돌아왔음! ^^

내 마음이 작았던 건 아닐까?.
3번쯤 되는 절도 사건, 믿지 못할 인도네시아인들의 여유, 겉과 속이 다른 그들의 표현..

봉사를 꿈꿨을 땐, 그들을 사랑하고 그들과 함께 하고자 했는데
내 안에는 많은 미움과 I don’t care의 마음만 남아 있는건 아닌지 모른다.

모든 것을 포용할 수 있을 거라는 교만함이었나?.
지나온 시간을 되돌아 보면 내가 얼마나 작은 마음을 소유한 사람이었는지 확인하게 된다.

그래도, 여기를 향한, 이들을 향한,
애틋한 마음을 가지고 돌아가겠지?…

사진. 토라자에서 만난 순수한 아이들.

“Don’t dream of long term missionary work from experiences of the short term mission trips.”
From 2 years volunteer service in Indonesia.

A lot of young Christians are going to a short term mission trip during summer vacation. I also joined several mission trips (India, China, Egypt and etc.) when I was a university student and the mission trips gave me special experiences. It taught me about other cultures, life, and surviving method. Through several mission trips, I thought that I could easily do missionary work for Jesus Christ. My mind, but, was changed by the long term volunteer work in Indonesia. So I want to request,

“Don’t dream of long term missionary work from experiences of the short term mission trips.”

Why? Why did my mind be changed? In conclusion, the trip and the life have a lot of difference. I want to explain that difference with three kinds of reason.

First, an attitude accepting cultural difference is different. When we join a mission trip, we can undergo cultural differences easily. However, in a living, it cannot be easily understood and it sometimes makes us upset, grumbly and crazy! For example, an Indonesian usually answers in the affirmative, but it does not mean ‘yes’ because they take a serious view of etiquette. So if we are in a mission trip, this culture can be understood without emotional rejection. If, but, we are in life, it makes a lot of problems. In my experience, I requested a colleague at work to prepare tools for next class and he said ‘yes’. But I had to prepare tools in the morning with anger. This situation cannot be limited by ‘him’ because most Indonesian does.

Second, we easily tend to think about the second language for coming to a mutual understanding not for surviving. Through short-term mission trips, we can gain confidence about second language because we can buy foods, ask locations, and get information. It, but, is just for living not coming to a mutual understanding and comprehending others deeply. Of course, we can deliver our love to others without the language but it has limit. We need to face the reality about the second language.

Third, we cannot instantaneously pour everything in life not like mission trips. Mission trips make us pour everything like money, time, even passion because it is just done in a short term. They don’t need to think about next situation. We can just enjoy, and do hard work during a short term. However, the life is different. Do you know how difficult to have a passion for a long time, to use money with balance, and to do best everything continuously. It is not easy!

Therefore, I politely want to say again. Don’t easily think about missionary work. I also dream the kingdom of heaven in this world quickly! If this dream comes true, more Christians may devote to missionary work. However I don’t want that Christians who joined short-term mission trips fell into the illusion of doing missionary work easily. Mission is reality and life.

영화 자체는 그리 재미 없었지만,
아름답고, 감동적인 한 장면.. ^^
노래도, 상황도 기억에 남네..

언젠가 누군가에게 불러줄 날이 오겠지? ㅋ

If i walk, would you run?
If i stop, would you come?
If i say you’re the one, would you believe me?
If i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say so you don’t leave me.
The world is catching up to you
While you’re running away to chase your dream
It’s time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i’m not ready

Chorus
But I’ll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We’ve been hiding enough

If i sing you a song, would you sing along?
Or wait till i’m gone, oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it’s the start of something beautiful.
Am i catching up to you?
While your running away to chase your dreams
It’s time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe i’m not ready

Chorus
But I’ll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We’ve been hiding enough

I will try for your love
I can hide up above

2x huh huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh huhhh

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you’re the one would you believe me

Asher Book..
처음 보는 배우인데, 목소리 하나는 감미롭더라.

I can’t remember when I knew, but I realized that I was a very solitary being. Even though we know that human beings are loneliness, I easily felt loneliness more than other people of the same age. Maybe it is as result of the environment where I grew up or my nature is originally solitude.

Looking back over the past, what I know is that nevertheless I am not an orphan and I grew up in the love of parents, I was like an orphan. After fourth grade of the elementary school, I had to enter at the front door with my own key, prepare a meal by myself and spend time alone because at that time my parents started working together. My parents and I just could spend very little time on ordinary days after that time. (They usually went to work at 4 am and returned home at 11 pm.)

Existential solitude… It gave me deep attachment of the relationship and dependence which were my reaction for overcoming loneliness. I was always chained by the relationship and I could not have freedom in the relationship. “If the relationship is broken or if I am abandoned, how do I?” This question whirled my mind and it gave me suffocating life for aiming at perfection of the relationship. The pain of the relationship was always my highest pain in life.

After entering a university, although I personally met God again and decided my life to live for Him, this decision could not give a solution for my solitude. Still I felt existential solitude and I had a lot of problems derived from it. I thought that if my solitude was an unavoidable pain, I wanted to overcome it and I started pray in front of God.

Someday, it was time to LGM (Large Group Meeting like worship meeting in University). At the time to pray after finishing preaching, I still could not get out of that problem – about my solitude – and I prayed sincerely to God. At that time, Jesus came to me with an illusion. I could see that I was abandoned at the wilderness without anything and any person. There was ‘I’ who was wailing and stripped naked. I who was in reality could only be crying when I saw that scene because I really felt that feeling… Recovery, but, was started at that moment. When I – Both in the reality and the illusion – still was wailing, I could see the light that wrapped me with a warm atmosphere. That was Jesus who was hugging me… I was not alone even I felt I was alone and solitary.

“I am always with you.”

I cannot forget that whisper and that illusion. Of course, I have still a visit from the essential solitude and loneliness because that is I who cannot be denied. But in front of the solitude, I can do to remember the illusion that I am not alone… and He is always with me…